Life preserves

When I started this blog I wanted to share the sweet and beautiful things in my life. And it turns out, my life is full of these things, but along with the sweet comes the bitter.

Over the past year, Eric and I have been dealt some blows.
We ended up having to leave the city we love and move in with my mother to make ends meet. Eric didn't get accepted into the radiologic technology program for 2012. We lost family members, a very dear family friend, and our first pregnancy- twins.

I didn't get out of my pajamas during the month of August. I barely got out of bed, barely spoke without bursting into tears, barely lived.

In September I tried to quiet my mind from the questions, the what-ifs, and the realization that the reality of my future was going to be wildly different than the dream I expected to come true.

During this time I went on a creative binge. First, I cleaned my house from top to bottom, doing all of the little things one puts off, like organizing the tupperware.  Anything to not think of how sad I was. I made lamps, three of them, in fact. I made mini watermelon cupcakes, macaroons, wrapping paper, tags, and paintings.

Most of all, I made preserves.

As summer fruit came into season, I canned everything I could get my hands on. Standing over that hot stove for hours was my therapy. It was a way to pass the time when time seemed to have no meaning to me anymore. By the time Autumn came I had over 50 jars of preserved fruit. Each one containing all of my love and grief, ready to be given away to friends and family during the coming holidays. I can't say that making preserves healed my broken heart or cured my grief, but when I saw the jewel toned jars lining my shelves I was able to see a glimmer of hope in them. I could see the sweetness and beauty was not gone from my life forever.

Yesterday marked the start of my summer canning. This year is different. My life is different, better in most ways. It's still nice to see the jars lined up though. My reminder that life can be lovely.